I love the sound of waves, that sort of tumbling swish that never ends. It makes me feel very insignificant, and I like that. It's restful. I get bored with myself sometimes.A whole life distils itself into a giving number of seconds but the waves go on for ever.
There are moments that go to make a life. It is more the the silence than the things said. I can't let the waves down.They can't let me down. They do not want to know my secrets. They don't try to scoop out my brain.
A woman has to have her secrets, it gives her a sense of powerto know that there's always another layer to strip off, at will, and yet not do so. And then, very rarely, she'll let another veil fall, always to reveal one more, always one last veil before the end, and there being no end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


LAST WORDS:
DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE TO ANYBODY?

How a man can take the dicision of ending his own life? What state of despair leads a man to decide that he does not want to live anymore? How does he get cut off hope that everything looks black to him? How can he prefer the pain of death over the pain of life? is it an act of cowardice or an act of bravery?What is the best way to take your own life?A lot of questions that i have not found their answers, not till now.
I would not know how a man can take the decision of killing himself. What i do know is how a woman can do this. For a woman's life is not easy. In most cases, a woman is like a disabled childwhose potentials are great but kept captive behind the limits of his disabled body. The woman also is like that. Her potentials and her dreams are held captive behind her womanly physical appearance and the limits of her own world.I know because I am one of those women. I know because I have decided to take my own life. yes! I confess. I am desperate. yes! I do not want to live anymore. it is MY life. I have not chosen to be born but i can choose to die. This will be the only decision that I have ever been able to take by my own self. Since the day I was born everybody has the right to decide for me what do with my life, everybody except me. My mother got pregnantwith me. The doctor delivered me. My father named me. They made me join the school that they like to study stuff that the government like. I had to get the grades that they want. I had to act according to what is appropriate for the society. I had to dress according to what the traditions say but the worse thing was that i had to think like everybody else because nobody like the different person especially if it was a girl.
As it is the case with everything I have grown older. I have changed. I have my own thoughts now. I want to have the control, for once, over my life. For once I want to feel that it is MY life. I failed. I was too stupid, too naive and too unexperienced. I could not choose my battles. I fought on many fronts. I grew weaker and weaker. I began to despair.
I have no hope. What kind of hope can i find? In people?! I do not think so. In Life?! It failed me. In the future?! could a good future come as a result of such present? IN GOD?! He is the reason for my misery. he has chosed to creat me as a woman. he has made this life for me.
I confess that the pain of death is much better than the pain of life. the pain of death is momental when the pain of life lasts lasts whole life long. Believe me i'm not a coward. I could have put up with this suffering and this pain If only I knew that one day it would end. I could have born it gladly if i'm 1% sure that something good is going to come out of it. But I do not.
The question now is how to do it. If you can tell me, please do not hesitate to do it. Do not feel guilty or ashamed to tell me. All what you'll be doing is to kill me softly. Do it fast. I LONG TO DIE.